Valentine's Day 2: Electric Boogaloo

Since I am lucky enough to be single this Valentine’s Day, I’ve been planning for how I will spend my day. Pretty much no one I know is single, so I won’t have to worry about regular social obligations. And as I am blissfully unattached, I won’t have to worry about some chocolate and rose crazed harlot trying to have her lustful way with me again and again all night long until the sheer repetition of it causes me to pine for the fresh originality of the tenth season of M*A*S*H. Instead, I’m trying to come up with romantic yet productive activities for one to keep me busy while the rest of the world is engrossed in gazing lovingly into each others eyes. Thankfully, another flash of inspiration struck today. While all my friends and neighbors are out enjoying fancy dinners, carriage rides, or whatever it is that people in love are supposed to do to avoid conversation, I’ll put on my fanciest suit, light a few candles, then break into their homes and steal their stereos. The proceeds should be more than enough to buy a Valentine’s Day hooker.

What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic.

-TC