A Common Response

I'm not the first person to say this, and I certainly won't be the last.  But I am deeply ashamed of my country today.  I am ashamed that we have elected an overtly racist, bigoted, xenophobic, and any other synonym you might like to use for "intolerant" man to lead our country.  I am ashamed that instead of electing our first female president, we felt it more appropriate to choose someone with a long history of misogynistic words and actions to represent us in the world.  I am ashamed that we came together to decide choose a face for our beliefs and values, and ended up selecting someone who consistently lies, swindles, and abuses people.  And perhaps most of all, I am ashamed that our vague dissatisfaction with a broken system, legitimate as those concerns might be, has allowed us to be so easily fooled by such an obvious con man, a huckster who has never shown the slightest evidence that there is any real science or magic behind the miracle tonic he hawks from the back of his hate-filled wagon.

A lot of people feel the same way.  If social media can be taken as any indication, the majority of my friends and family feel the same way.  But of course, the decision is not up to me, nor is it up to a select inner circle of my choosing.  It is up to all of us as a nation, with all of our voices and opinions carrying equal weight.  And the people have spoken.  Donald Trump won this election fair and square, and he has earned his victory, whether or not you or I or any particular individual feels like he deserves it.  That's how Democracy works.  It isn't the outcome that I wanted, it isn't one that I think will end well for our country.  But it is the outcome that our collective consciousness demanded, and it is the outcome that we will have to live with.  It doesn't matter how passionately I feel about the dangers of Donald Trump and the vitriol that has unleashed on hardworking Americans who look or act or pray differently.  All that matters is that yesterday, the people who think like me were outnumbered, and we lost.  We don't have to be happy about it, but we do have to accept it.

And that's all I think we can realistically expect from this verdict, acceptance.  "Unity" may be a beautiful idea, and a nice word to throw around in concession speeches.  But I think unifying behind Donald Trump is too much to ask of the country.  The left and the right have been slinging too much venom at each other for too long to expect that we can graciously accept loss, shake hands, and commit to working together as a happy and harmonious nation behind our mutually respected figurehead.  And that isn't entirely his fault.  Donald Trump may push our divided discontent to the extreme by advocating sexual assault against women, persecution of Muslims, fear of Hispanics, or other distasteful, un-American ideals.  But our refusal to compromise or to work with each other across political divides is not unique to this man.  The fundamental chasm of partisan mistrust has governed our political discourse since long before Trump ever came on the scene.  Donald Trump is not the cause of our divide, he is merely the symptom that has grown so virulent that it is sending us to the hospital.  If the election had gone differently, if Hillary had pulled out the victory that I was hoping for, I wouldn't have expected the right to unify behind her either.  But I would have expected them to accept her.

Acceptance may not be the same as blissful unity, but it is an essential tool for us to move forward.  Like it or not, this is the world we live in.  It may not be ideal.  It may not even be pleasant.  But it is our new reality.  I understand the disappointment, anger and denial that is floating around today.  It's tough to face a reality in which racism, sexism, and all around hate have won the day.  Those feelings are completely understandable and justified, and I don't blame anyone for feeling or expressing those emotions.  But for me personally, I didn't feel those emotions as strongly as my own personal default from the infamous 5 Stages of Grief: depression.I don't usually like to talk about it, but I do have a very serious problem with depression, and it has been coming up a lot lately as it's confronted with the harsh and disappointing realities of the world we live in and feel the need to talk about them seriously.  Even on a good day, with no external stimulus whatsoever, depression is something that I carry around with me.  I don't make friends easily because I secretly believe that everyone hates me.  I don't chase my dreams as hard as I should because deep down, I don't believe I deserve them.  I lose perspective on little things and beat myself up over mistakes so minor that no one even notices.  And I have a tendency to resign myself to disappointing and terrible circumstances because I believe I'm powerless to stop them, or that they're all my fault.

That dark cloud swirling around inside my head makes most days seem like the worst day of my life, even when things are going objectively very well.  It's a struggle to keep things in perspective and remind myself to distinguish between things that really are depressing and bullshit that my own personal insanity exaggerates.  So when something like Trump's election happens, something that that I believe will have genuinely catastrophic consequences not just for me, but for millions of Americans, the feedback loop gets worse.  I start by fearing the repercussions that I will personally face, then quickly realize that I won't even be the one to bear the brunt of this disaster.  Women, Muslims, immigrants, minorities, the poor, LGBT people -- they will all feel the hurt of this outcome far more than a privileged, straight, middle-class white guy such as myself.  And that's when depression gets real, when I realize how selfish and petty my own sense of misery is compared to the hardships facing those less fortunate than me.  The sadness I feel for myself, the sadness I feel for others, and the disgust I feel for myself for not thinking of them first.  It all mounts into an overwhelming sense of despair that seems impossible to defeat.

Sounds depressing, right?  But living in that dark place on a daily basis has taught me one important valuable lesson, which helps me manage my own depression, and I think is very applicable to our current national malaise: never let your feelings stop the work that you're doing.  Sadness is a trap, and if you fall into it, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Whether it's writing a book or building a better world, once things start to feel hopeless, you'll want to stop and wallow.  But the longer you stop, the more hopeless the situation seems, and the harder it becomes to start working again.

And that's where acceptance comes in.  It's a lot easier to remain focused on the goals that are important to you if you can identify the circumstances that are beyond your control (as Trump's presidency now is), accept their limitations for what they are, and KEEP FUCKING WORKING.  You don't have to be happy about it.  You can feel however you like about your life, the world, and the challenges you'll face.  But you can't move forward productively if you don't accept that the things that make you sad are there to stay, and they have nothing to do with your ability to get back to work.

Donald Trump will be our next president, and that thought depresses me like no other.  But it is a simple fact of life now, and succumbing to our collective depression will do nothing to stop it.  Now more than ever, we need to get back to work.  Because Donald Trump will not make America great again, so that responsibility will have to rest with us.  Our reach might not be as far, our authority may not be as great, but we do have power and a responsibility to effect change in our own homes, communities, and country.  We have the ability to reach out and help our friends and neighbors when they suffer from the decisions that his administration will inevitably make.  That is our job now.  It will be our job for the next four years.  And whatever rains down on us from above, we should not lose sight of the fact that Donald Trump is not the only person who controls whether this country is great.  Greatness will come from our own hard work, our caring for each other, and our remaining dedicated to the real values that are being buried underneath a charlatan's empty promises.

So let's process our sadness, accept the reality that we live in, and keep working to make it a better one.  And who knows?  Maybe Donald Trump won't be the disaster that many of us anticipate.  He defied our expectations and won the primary.  Then he defied expectations and won the election.  Maybe now he'll defy our expectations and prove himself to be a thoughtful and capable president.  My hopes may not be high, but we're stuck with him now, so might as well give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves us all right.

-TC

P.S. Please note, the above is just the stream of consciousness ramblings of a disappointed guy on his lunch break.  I hope you'll be forgiving of any proof reading errors, as I put no greater thought to publishing this post than pushing a button and hoping for the best.  Which I guess is appropriate, since that seems to be the standard we are now using when casting ballots. (Sorry, needed to get at least one stupid joke in there).