Jollibee

I went to the grocery store earlier, and on my way, I noticed that every restaurant in my neighborhood was packed, with lines swarming out into the streets. In and of itself, this isn’t surprising. Being Valentine’s Day, I’m sure it’s hard to get a table anywhere, much less anywhere nice.

But the biggest crowd I observed was outside this new place called Jollibee. Out of curiosity, I decided to check out their website when I got back to my apartment. Apparently, Jollibee is the Philippines’s number one American-style fast food restaurant.

I think it goes without saying that fast food is never the greatest cuisine one could hope for. But as a general rule, their advertising photography still makes their menu look like something that vaguely approximates real food. However, this is not the case for Jollibee. A few minutes of perusing their online menu was enough to ruin the idea of the hamburger for me forever. More importantly, their desserts include creamed corn in shaved ice topped with corn flakes, and something that seems like ice cream covered in cheese. If this is how the rest of the world views America, no wonder we are so hated in the international community. “First they ignore the wishes of the UN, then they put cheese on ice cream. Kill the infidels!”

I would like to say to anyone that was taken to Jollibee for Valentine’s Day, I am deeply sorry, not just on behalf of men everywhere, but on behalf of all humanity. There are some mistakes in life for which there are simply no excuse.
-TC